Nevertheless, these days I occupy myself much less with the preoccupation of the tests, nor their difficulty or their results. I think about other things, which most of the time involve the much awaited end. This time, though, I'm thinking about other things. I watched The Devil Wears Prada on television just now, (I told myself after dinner that it would just be a peek, but I watched it to the end) and I just can't shake off that inevitable feeling of hapless work. Not just for the next exam, not just for the next piece of coursework, but for life.

Have you ever seen or read those articles before, with those pessimistic people writing about how people these days work themselves to the ground from cradle to grave, with a good fifteen years of education before being booted off into the first job, which regardless of the colour, blue or white, is never going to bring a person closer to the American/Singaporean/Malaysian dream? (dang, that was one whole sentence) I still see some hint of valid pessimism in those articles, because even at the top, the work never really stops. In fact, the shift from blue to white only involves a shift of strain, that of which is from the body to the mind. And that just sours the mood when I look to the future.

I have a vague idea of what I want to do in the University if I make it. It's either got to do with business, (preferably accountancy) or design. As for the latter, I had originally cast it out quite some time ago, seeing as how I've said a dozen times over that I don't think I'm quite cut out for competing against some serious talent. But with the new design university coming out, I'm not so sure it is an opportunity I should give a miss. And for the former, the whole idea is purely something that, over the years, my dad has drilled into me is a good path. Truth be told, if left to my own devices, I would be at a loss for what to do for further studies. It's the whole reason I went to JC, as I am sure many others did likewise.

I was about to type out a *sigh*, because it's what I really did as I typed this out. But that just reminds me of the tremendously painful 'emo' blogs I've previously scarred my eyes with. I think less about the exams and the exam stress that I pile onto myself, but it still doesn't stop me from being the usual pessimistic me. The other time I had consultation with my math teacher, she stopped me suddenly and told me that throughout the session, I'd been sighing countless times, and asked if anything had been the matter, and did I follow any religion. I just said it was the usual bout of exam stress, and no, I was a free thinker (or as the twins have enlightened me, a Pastafarian), and we continued with the session for a while before I unconsciously lapsed into another sigh when we moved on to a next question. That was when she suggested that I go to church.

I took her seriously because I think she's a great teacher, also because I hear churches are a great way to meet good-lookin girls and get contacts who can give you superb part time jobs. But, no, seriously. I wonder if I'd be more optimistic about things in life if I followed a religion.

1 comments