there it is... my god i'm stup1d.
Monday, November 19, 2007
the title says it all really, i cant believe i was so bloody blind not to see the glaring title board up there and not give a title to all my posts. so sue me and my stupidity.
the first topic i shall attempt to conquer here is yesterday, with which i was still simmering (albeit lesser and lesser gradually as i topped the bf2 serer twice in sucession.) over. as my friend aptly puts it, conquered my mother nature. i need to emphasise to my friends out there how planning things can be an especially big headache when people either fail to turn up, give half- fucking- hearted answers to plans or arrive late. it irks the shit out of me and sometimes i just abhore planning, since i usually end up doing it in this clique of mine. Why? because i like to be in charge. dont get me wrong, i dont get some sort of sadistic thrill and high from it. Simply put i want to make sure things go my way. im that sort of person who meeds things to be as such, or i'll grumble a hell lot. So what happened yesterday was the rain. right on time for our scheduled paintball match that had been on and off in our minds ever since the end of secondary three. i must say, i was most displeased. i dont deny that i acted like a fucking child without his toy, when the paintball man came to us and said the lightning was too much of a risk. i hope youll understand and see why i was like that, and not see me as a little child. whatever. so i prepare once more to plan another event for the 10 persons on the 27th of November, a tuesday. if all goes well then good.if not there wont be another try. because the day has lost its appeal and paintball doesnt seem as alluring when the fresh concept of impending monsoon season may mar what may well be a pleasant day.
on another topic, i have just finished my Provisonal Admission Excercise for admission into Junior college for AY2008. I must say. even if he does read my blog, my good friend has also mentioned more or less on the same subject. and i think he may be slightly offended when he reads this. but ill put it anyway because i mean for no harm or offense, and just want to do something perfectly normal for a blog- to post my emotions and whatnot.
so here i am on the second leg of my education journey. I really hope i do well for my Os. unlike many others, i know i screwed up my PSLE to shit. it is there for very important to me that i prove to my parents that was the one and only exception. a slow start to a steady win, i say. i got a neat 10 points for my Preliminaries and i intend to go to Meredian Junior College. again, not even remotely as a snide remark, (ive got to be very careful in treading sensitive territory here... emotions run high apparently) that i am glad i did well for my exams and now need not feel so stressed about where to go from here. like a little brother to his
da ge, i would like to express my sincere thanks to Alvin, an ex-damaian whom i scarcely know, who helped me along the way to some enlightenment on JCs.
on another note, my brother joel pointed ut to me that for some reason in Pioneer Junior college, fees for schooling is six dollars a month (heavily subsidised education, come to Singapore!) for non malays while it comes free for malay students. i wish to express to those who might casually look upon it and see this that i intend for no inflammatory remarks, so please shut the fuck up if your mouth thinks faster that your brain. it just is interesting to note, 'is all, on how singapore's governmen readily accepts that, in my inference, malay majority are smaller income earners that the chinese majority. im glad at least that the chinese (and yes bloody well including me) find no problem with this. its little things like this that spark racial tensions in other countries. god i hate this open blog where i have to take everyone else'es opinion into consideration. fuck you all if you cant see it my way.
getting back to my previous topic on paintball, i was exeptionally upset also because when i saw the numbers dwildling after every stop on the train, where people like jason alvin and joel began dropping off, it came to me full in the face that all i really have as close friends is a monotomic group of friends from my four years of secondary school life. before i move on, i would like to say that there has been a published article somewhere in the depths of print media that say on average, people as a majority have indeed a small circle of close frineds, and that it simply is normal as an average human is incapable of storing so much information on various counterparts. no matter, for i still feel i miss out on much desired company. sure, i think many of my classmates are too beng or lian, but above all the main reason why i dont mix with many is due to a conflict of interests, indeed it was hard enough amassing this clique of friends with similar interests. what i desire is really, some female company. there. i said it. but not any female company, what comes to mind is some company with whom is remotely knowledgeable and... how to put it... remotely interesting. sure. i had a girlfriend before. but it haunts me to now be in her presence. not because i fear her lah, but simply because i dont want the bothersome nature of being tied down to a relationship. what i need is some casual female company. but forget it. its too late. maybe ill seek some out when i get (i hope) to Meridian JC where th shorts that girls wear are absurdly short. lawl. ill end here then, i think i have time to cram in some gaming on bf2 to get to First Sergeant. but really. to mark and yichen, ive decided to try out wc3. bring it on.
posted by joseph at 6:36 AM